trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
