i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
