Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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