the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
