I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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