That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
