i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
