turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
