I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
