PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
