The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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