On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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