so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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