My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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