I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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