Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
