I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
