We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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