The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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