Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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