we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
