if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
