i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i've created a new STD.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
