all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
