I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
