My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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