she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
