i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
