She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
