You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
