I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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