i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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