My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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