I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
