I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
