I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
