dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
