Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize