sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
