Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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