we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
