I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
