if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
