how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize