Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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