Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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