I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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