I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Drake has all the answers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
