i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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