im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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