Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
