Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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