I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
