So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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