from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
