I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
