you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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