I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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