Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
one might say we're banned from that church
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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