glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
