so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
