jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
