The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
