How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
