As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
