No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
