listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
