NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
