You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
