So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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