It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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