im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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