Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
