So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
