so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
