the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
