btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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