this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
