The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
