life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
