Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
