I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
