There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
