Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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