just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize