she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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