speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
