alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
