There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize