So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
