My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
