I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize