It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
