you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
