In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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