it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize