I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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