No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
