My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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