big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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