I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
